Ok...so it's been a while. Over a month. Well, it's not exactly because nothing has been on my mind worth blogging about, but more so it's been there's too much for me to blog about and I don't know how to form all my thoughts together. This blogging thing is kinda harder than I thought it would be. I guess it's that fear that my thoughts will sound so confusing and make sense only to myself that no one will really care what I'm writing because it won't make any sense.
Anyway. So as of late I've been feeling like a road under construction. That just as you get cruising and construction seems to be coming to a close - along comes the bulldozer to dig things up again for phase 2 or 3 or 4. Ok...so my family is in the process of growing in numbers. Long story short, last fall my husband and I made the decision to adopt from our state system. I am thrilled and excited about all of this, however what I've found is that God is using it as a way of growing, stretching and molding me into who He wants me to be and I haven't really been all that cooperative during the process. I mean, I want to grow...and I believe I am growing I just sometimes have to hit myself over the head to realize, "ahh, helloooo, do you see what God is trying to show you here?"
I've been reading a lot of books lately about growing with God and my desire to be in His will. I want so badly sometimes to be in His will and I think that in itself hinders me because I want to control how I'm in His will. When obviously to be in His will I must totally and completely surrender myself to Him. I picked up a small but profound book this morning by a wise monk named brother Lawrence called "the practice of the prescense of OF GOD". In it he talks about how he learned an important lesson through each daily chore: The time he spent in communion with the Lord should be the same, whether he was bustling around in the kitchen - or on his kness in prayer. This book has really got me thinking and realizing that I'm really not allowing myself to fully experience God's presence in me as much as I could and should be. God is with me (and you) all the time. And for some reason, we often think that we can only truly access Him when we are on our knees or bowing our heads in prayer. Why is that?
I'm realizing that if I just humble myself and abide in Him that I will be in His will. Why must I complicate it so much?! I want to do amazing things for God. I want God to work through me in amazing ways. But more often than not, I want these things so badly that I myself am the very thing standing in the way of God doing such things in and through me. Ugh, it can really get frustrating at times and it's those times that I suppose I am most grateful for His grace.
I wonder....am I alone or do others truly experience the same frustrations as me?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
What is THAT in my driveway???
We've all heard the term "never say never" and most of us I'm sure at one time or another have come to eat that hard to swallow piece of humble pie that can accompany the event that occurs after we realize we once said, "I'll never (fill in the blank)". Well my friends, this is such a day!
Yesterday I joined the ranks of many mom's in the US of A who will cart their kids from dance practice, to soccer practice to piano lessons to where ever - you name it - in a MINI VAN!!!! The very fact that later today I will go out to my driveway turn the key and get in and continue to run my errands in a mini-van is completely and unbelievable beyond my scope of comprehension right now. You see, I can be quoted by saying at one time to a dear friend, "if you ever catch me driving a mini-van, you have my permission to shoot me!"
I refused to own one. Why? I guess I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the whole label thing. I guess in a way I've always looked at mom's driving a mini-van as having no identity other than that of Taxi-Mom. The mini-van symbolizes a suburban way of life, centered around family. It's what the station wagon was in the Brady Bunch era. Now don't get me wrong, I think that having your life centered around your family should be first and foremost - and it is in our home. But driving a mini-van ultimately states, I am a mom and that's who I am plain and simple. Again, nothing wrong with that but it ultimately puts me in a stereotype and I don't like to be labeled as a stereotype, regardless of what kind. I'm so much more than "just a mom".
I guess that bottom line is this. When push comes to shove - I'm a practical person plain and simple. I'm not about flash and impressing people. I'm not one to wear name brand clothing simply because it's name brand or to by a certain product in the store simple because of it's name. I'll opt for the less expensive brand and save myself a lot of money in the end at that register. And that's why we bought the mini-van. It's practical and efficient. It's a great family vehicle - and we ARE a family (getting ready to expand none the less - more on that later). It was time to rid ourselves of the 10 yr old gas guzzling Explorer that was ready to die on us at any moment. The gas prices aren't going down any time soon and simply put - it just makes sense.
So with that... I guess it's time to go grab a fork and dig in. Maybe I'll even top my pie with a little whipped cream!
Yesterday I joined the ranks of many mom's in the US of A who will cart their kids from dance practice, to soccer practice to piano lessons to where ever - you name it - in a MINI VAN!!!! The very fact that later today I will go out to my driveway turn the key and get in and continue to run my errands in a mini-van is completely and unbelievable beyond my scope of comprehension right now. You see, I can be quoted by saying at one time to a dear friend, "if you ever catch me driving a mini-van, you have my permission to shoot me!"
I refused to own one. Why? I guess I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the whole label thing. I guess in a way I've always looked at mom's driving a mini-van as having no identity other than that of Taxi-Mom. The mini-van symbolizes a suburban way of life, centered around family. It's what the station wagon was in the Brady Bunch era. Now don't get me wrong, I think that having your life centered around your family should be first and foremost - and it is in our home. But driving a mini-van ultimately states, I am a mom and that's who I am plain and simple. Again, nothing wrong with that but it ultimately puts me in a stereotype and I don't like to be labeled as a stereotype, regardless of what kind. I'm so much more than "just a mom".
I guess that bottom line is this. When push comes to shove - I'm a practical person plain and simple. I'm not about flash and impressing people. I'm not one to wear name brand clothing simply because it's name brand or to by a certain product in the store simple because of it's name. I'll opt for the less expensive brand and save myself a lot of money in the end at that register. And that's why we bought the mini-van. It's practical and efficient. It's a great family vehicle - and we ARE a family (getting ready to expand none the less - more on that later). It was time to rid ourselves of the 10 yr old gas guzzling Explorer that was ready to die on us at any moment. The gas prices aren't going down any time soon and simply put - it just makes sense.
So with that... I guess it's time to go grab a fork and dig in. Maybe I'll even top my pie with a little whipped cream!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Running into the arms of Jesus
This morning I woke with a heavy heart. Wanting to lash out at someone for hurting me but also knowing that this is not what God desires from my heart. I woke up after being tortured by a restless night of tossing and turning and dreams that came to visit that were not welcome. I woke with a heart heavy laden and with a choice to make. I could chose to run with this pain, lash out and vindicate my pain with an "I'm right and you're wrong" and you hurt me and it's just not right - or I could choose to run to Jesus and release myself from it all.
My sinful nature of the flesh naturally wanted to run with it. To lash out and carry on in a selfish rage of "how could you" and virtually shaking my finger in disgust and frustration that this incident was even an issue. But again, I knew this was not an attack from Satan but a test from God - would I choose to run from Him or to Him.
Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29)
As my morning began to unfold, I knew I had to make the choice soon or the day would be moving on and I would once again perhaps go on with my life wanting to submit to God only later realizing I failed to go to Him at days break for that renewing of my mind and my spirit. And so with the help of the electronic babysitter (that good 'ol tellie) to keep my 4 yr old busy - I crept away to meet with my maker to take on His yoke because mine was simply failing me and I knew I couldn't go forward the way I wanted to on my own.
I'm not an expert on the bible. I'm still learning where things are when I need them but somehow (like I should be surprised) God always seems to lead me to the place I need to find Him in His word. He feeds me the very food my soul is longing for. From personal experience, I simply can't dispute that the bible is God's living word. After praying and asking Jesus to help me, giving Him my pain, my frustration, my anger and everything else I was restling with, He replied with the love, mercy, grace and guidance that only He can give. He lead me to this.
Thank you Father God for sending your Son to die for me. Thank you for your spirit that lives in me that helps me to find forgiveness for others when I am hurting. Thank you for teaching me what it means to walk with you and to run to you. Thank you Jesus for giving me your yoke this day and sending me your peace through your holy sacrifice. Your arms truly are my resting place.
My sinful nature of the flesh naturally wanted to run with it. To lash out and carry on in a selfish rage of "how could you" and virtually shaking my finger in disgust and frustration that this incident was even an issue. But again, I knew this was not an attack from Satan but a test from God - would I choose to run from Him or to Him.
Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29)
As my morning began to unfold, I knew I had to make the choice soon or the day would be moving on and I would once again perhaps go on with my life wanting to submit to God only later realizing I failed to go to Him at days break for that renewing of my mind and my spirit. And so with the help of the electronic babysitter (that good 'ol tellie) to keep my 4 yr old busy - I crept away to meet with my maker to take on His yoke because mine was simply failing me and I knew I couldn't go forward the way I wanted to on my own.
I'm not an expert on the bible. I'm still learning where things are when I need them but somehow (like I should be surprised) God always seems to lead me to the place I need to find Him in His word. He feeds me the very food my soul is longing for. From personal experience, I simply can't dispute that the bible is God's living word. After praying and asking Jesus to help me, giving Him my pain, my frustration, my anger and everything else I was restling with, He replied with the love, mercy, grace and guidance that only He can give. He lead me to this.
Thank you Father God for sending your Son to die for me. Thank you for your spirit that lives in me that helps me to find forgiveness for others when I am hurting. Thank you for teaching me what it means to walk with you and to run to you. Thank you Jesus for giving me your yoke this day and sending me your peace through your holy sacrifice. Your arms truly are my resting place.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Ok...so here I am.
Well, this is it. I've finally done it. After reading so many blogs over the past couple of years (some of people I do know and some of people I don't) and enjoying so many of them in so many different ways, I've finally decided to take the leap and start my own. I feel like I have so many things that I want to share but quite frankly, I'm not really sure where to begin. I will say right now I have A LOT of learning to do when it comes to blogging. I don't know all the lingo so to speak, or maybe even all the proper etiquette. So bare with me as I gradually grow and share a little about myself along the way.
I hope this blog to be many things for me. A place I can come to share those quirky off-the-wall thoughts that really don't mean much of anything, as well as a place I can come to share intimate thoughts regarding my experiences as I walk through this journey called life. I don't anticipate it being anything spectacular but I do hope those of you who read it will at least see it as worth the few moments you spent here in your day.
And so with that I must go for now but thanks for stopping by and visiting my small beginning...I'll be back soon and begin sharing more of myself gradually, one piece at a time.
I hope this blog to be many things for me. A place I can come to share those quirky off-the-wall thoughts that really don't mean much of anything, as well as a place I can come to share intimate thoughts regarding my experiences as I walk through this journey called life. I don't anticipate it being anything spectacular but I do hope those of you who read it will at least see it as worth the few moments you spent here in your day.
And so with that I must go for now but thanks for stopping by and visiting my small beginning...I'll be back soon and begin sharing more of myself gradually, one piece at a time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)